I didn't realise it was quite so long since I blogged! It's been AGES! Ah well.

Since the 19th, some stuff has happened. Spent most of it being very tired, cos I worked loads.

M&S was quite fun; unfortunately, the one here has no vacancies, so I'm still jobless.

Am back down to one "mood brightener" a day, so am quite proud of myself, especially being as I'm quite stressed about essays & exams & stuff at the moment.

Christmas was pretty good; I spent it with my family, & it was all OK.

New Year was OK too, though my Mum & Auntie don't get on too well, & there's just SO much sibling rivalry there!

On New Year's Eve, I worked behind the bar with my Dad while Mum was waitressing; it was free alcohol for us all night, since we're staff, & we didn't have to stick to pub measures - but also didn't get drunk because we were running around crazily all night too, to make sure we had enough glasses washed so that we could still serve drinks. I mainly drank Jack Daniels & coke...The thing was I had a really tall glass with ice, & a shot of coke, & the rest was JD...I also had ice in another glass with Baileys, Kahlua, Whisky & Vodka - that was rather nice...Then at midnight, we were all drinking champagne - as you do!

I finished work in M&S on Saturday 10th; I was actually quite sad to leave, as I really enjoyed it! It was v funny on Friday...There was this customer who brought back some jumpers that she bought in 2001, & expected a refund!!! She went on & on at me for over 15 minutes, but I eventually got rid of her! After we closed, about 2 minutes after she left, 2 of the managers came up to me & asked me if I'd served a customer who wanted a refund from 2001, then they asked if I'd given the refund...& then they said a customer had been to them about me...At this point I got rather worried, & thought that the woman had complained, & braced myself for a good bollucking! Apparently, though, a customer who had been behind this woman at the till, had asked to speak to a manager to tell them how brilliantly I had coped, & how lovely I was!!!

I also went to my friend Miranda's wedding with my best friend Paul. It was great! We stayed in a hotel overnight, since the wedding was in Gloucester...The first room they tried to give us only had a double bed though, & we were just like 'OI! NO!' & so they moved us!

I saw my consultant ophthalmic & oculoplastic surgeon on the 5th. I've finally been given a diagnosis for my eyes...& been referred to a guy at the John Radcliffe hospital in Oxford, to see if there's anything that can be done for me.

On the day I came home (the 11th), I met up with Maria (a nun, who also used to be my counsellor) in Birmingham. We spent a couple of hours chatting & drinking hot chocolate & eating cake, which is always good. She's also at least as bad at procrastinating when it comes to writing essays as I am, which I find quite funny! She also said that she'll try to come to Exeter some time this term, which would be lovely, since she's great & I miss her a lot.

I have to hand in 3 essays tomorrow. I haven't actually written any of them. I'm procrastinating instead.

I have to see the dr today. My dr's off sick indefinitely, so I'm seeing a different one, which I'm quite worried about...

My counsellor's back though! Penny was off sick all of last term, but now she's back, which is very exciting, cos she's lovely, & I get on with her better than the counsellor I saw last term. Penny also got me through some really tough times last year, & is one of the main reasons that I'm still here now.

I had a really tough lecture on Monday...It was a feminism one, & we were sort of drawing together the stuff we've done in the module, since we have our exam on the 27th(ARGH!!!)...Quite a big issue in feminist theology relates to the assumed sexual rights of men over women, & to rape, & sexual abuse & stuff; not a nice lecture to be in. I thought about getting up & leaving the lecture, as I was sat right next to the door, but I didn't. I stayed, because by leaving, I would have admitted defeat, and I know that I can't let this or him keep a hold over me for the rest of my life. I did spend the rest of the lecture shaking quite a lot (but I didn't have a full-on panic attack), & at the end, I really didn't get very far out of the room before my legs just REFUSED to go any further, so I sat on some stairs...I did chat with my lecturer about it for a while, but my Tuesday, I was fine about it all. I think it was just that lecture triggered a few things that I didn't really know were there...

Zosh, you are great, you know, & I love you to bits! Keep going hun; you are amazing...I'm always here for you if you need me...& we can phone each other FREE now! How exciting!

OK, I really think I may have done enough procrastination, & should probably go & get some breakfast, & then do an essay plan - oh joy!