I have just watched Panorama. I feel the need to write about it. It made me feel sick. Robert Mugabe is an evil man...

In Zimbabwe, there are youth camps; children as young as 11 are there. Mugabe says that they are helping young people to learn skills that they need for work. THEY ARE NOT. The camps train young people as Mugabe's militia. They teach them how to act like him, and how to think like him. They take away the ability of these young people to think for themselves, and function alone.

Boys and girls are raped. It doesn't matter how young they are. Obviously, they do not use any form of contraception...When a girl is raped every night, sooner or later, she will get pregnant. In Zimbabwe, HIV is an issue. Panorama showed a young woman who was so scarred by her experiences in a camp that she cannot talk about them...She has tried to commit suicide...She has a baby because she was raped...She has HIV because she was raped. She KNOWS that she is going to die, leaving her child alone. Her child won't be looked after by social services or anything like that.

As if what I've said isn't bad enough, every day, these young people have to train like soldiers...If they complain, they are beaten...If a girl has been raped so violently that she is bleeding, she still has to do the training...200 pressups, long runs carrying heavy equipment...They are taught how to use guns...They are taught how to kill...They are taught how to hang people with shoe laces...

These children are made to beat and torture people, sometimes their relatives; these young people can never go home...The government knows that all of this is going on...But the government does nothing about it...

Mugabe instructs that all of his opponents must be eliminated...It is these young people who are made to eliminate them. These children are plied with alcohol and drugs; they do not know what they are doing...They are brainwashed...Mugabe is seriously damaging these people...Mugabe is making a generation that will be dangerous to the future...

Today has been OK. Went to Mass...got very worried when at 11:10, i was the only musician! Karen (bless her) was going to play - she cut her nails & everything - but then Mark turned up, so he played instead.

After Mass, 9 of us were going to walk to the Double Locks....Paul, Kris and I walk pretty fast, & we had to keep on slowing down so everyone else could catch up...They were all slow...In the end, we got as far as the Waterfront, and decided that we really wouldn't make it as far as the Double Locks, so we ate there instead...It was good pizza! After that, we walked into town, & I came home...

Kris seems to have really loosened up, and started to join in more recently, which is really nice to see...He appears to be coming out of himself more...

Also had a good chat with Teresa...She's sooo sweet...We discovered that we have very similar tastes in films and books, which is cool!

I think Rachel's idea of starting a prayer group at the Chaplaincy is great...It's really rather exciting!

We also have ALMOST a full CathSoc committee...the only position that still needs filling is Publicity Rep...I think we're going to ask Leo to do that - she's really nice & arty, so it should all be good!

I guess then, that all is well!

Well, I haven't blogged for ages. Ah well, I will be a more diligent blogger in the future.

My blog comes up on a Google search!!!! I was sooooooo excited...Maybe it will come higher up is I mention my eye conditions again...I have persistent diplopia, left amblyopia, & associated microtropia...I know that diplopia is double vision, and amblyopia is my useless eye...I thought microtropia was short sightedness, but it's not; it refers to a squint that is under 5 degrees, short sightedness is myopia. I have that too...My eyes aren't good....But hey!

Did the Enneagram today...It was fun, accurate to a scary extent!!! I am a type One, & a perfectionist! James will probably find a cool link or something, & put it on his blog, so you can find more out about the Enneagram if you want, so go to James' blog!!!

Have worked out why I can't see the pretty colours on my blog; tis because of the visual settings on my computer! It looks plain & boring to me, but to everyone else, it's all pretty!

I got a letter from my LEA - they said that they think I'm entitled to more money, cos of my eyes...I have my Needs Assessment on 8th of March, to establish what it is I need....

Hmmm, think that's enough waffling from me...don't have anything exciting to say...

I'm also intrigued as to which one of mine & Zosia's blogs Mark has decided uses no punctuation, & which one uses too much. I think I've been pretty good with punctuation for a while, & Zosh seems to use enough...So, I'm confused!

Well, I was supposed to have a Greek Philosophy lecture at 3pm yesterday, but I have swollen glands in my throat & a cold...Also, all I've been thinking about since counselling on Tuesday is baked beans - which is making me feel just slightly ill, to put it mildly...So, I didn't go.

I was also supposed to have my Greek Philosophy seminar at 9:00 this morning, but couldn't face getting out of bed that early - didn't sleep too good last night - so didn't go. Eventually got up at about 1:00!!! Lazy me! & for the first time since I got back after Christmas, took 2 'mood brighteners' today.

Well, as some of you have already guessed, and the rest of you will probably guess from my blogs recently, I'm a tad stressed, & finding life all a bit harder than usual - so I'm afraid you're getting depressing blogs...But hey! Never mind...I'll try to be funny sometimes...Can't promise I'll always succeed though...

I also guess that I'm gonna have to work through all of the bad stuff, which has been kept in many neatly labelled boxes inside me for so long so that I can really be me & work away from all of the depression & things...I guess I have to work through it so I can really be the person that I know that I can be and that I deserve to be!

Umm, I think that's probably enough of me for one day...

Well, I'm making up for my slacking in blogging...Haven't blogged since Saturday...& that's aaaaaaaaaaages!!!

Saturday night was fab...Got raaather drunk, but hey - it was fun...We had lots of food, lots of alcohol, & on our way to the Lemmy serenaded Karen with Eagle's Wings!! She opened her window because of it, & everything!!

Sunday was cool too...I did spend the morning feeling quite grotty, but then I realised that it was because I hadn't taken my 'mood brightener', so maybe it wasn't all that bad. Irene cooked on Sunday - rice cookers are great!!!! James is cooking this coming Sunday, which is quite exciting!!! Irene, Mark & Rachel were going to go to Exwick to feed the birds, so Irene said that she'd take me home so I could get my 'mood brightener', which I wasn't going to refuse...But, I decided to go home & get my tablet, & then go to feed birds...It was a GREAT idea!!!! We ended up going to Topsham, going for a walk, & introducing Rachel to Devon Cream Teas - yummy!!! Then, we went to Exwick to feed the birds, but they didn't seem hungry & wouldn't eat our bread! On Sunday night, we had an indoor bbq at my house - it was v cool...We ate lots of food, drank beer (I only had 1) and played drinking games...

Yesterday, I went to see the doctor, & he stole my blood!!!!! He doesn't think there's anything wrong with me, despite the fact I'm really tired all the time at the moment...He may well be right, but I just wanted to get it checked out. Last night, we watched Dream Catcher...My advice is DON'T - it's pants!!! It was scary til they introduced the aliens - they were just unbelievable, so it turned out to be a pants film...I also got pizza last night rather than cooking; it was good pizza!

Today, I had 2 hrs of lectures!!! That's loads for me, counselling, & a lecture and seminar in the evening too...Karen made us all wear name stickers today, which I did find relatively funny!!! We also have some staunch atheists in the RE seminar group, who are thoroughly prepared to leap down the throat of anyone who even dares to suggest that RELIGION should be allowed into a school!!! It could make things more than slightly interesting!!! I think that Karen should provide us with rifles & bullet-proof armour, so that we can protect ourselves in future!!! I mean, I thought I was being outspoken as a second year, but these were first years, who were being even more outspoken!!! It really was quite funny!!! I know that not all of them want to teach RE - one of them has openly admitted she's only in it for the money; another is doing Music, but they don't run a Music seminar, so she ended up in RE...I don't really even have an objection to them - they just make me look quiet - I think it's more amusement than anything else!!!

We watched Dirty Pretty Things today, that was pretty cool...I'm pretty sure I'd watch it again...But, not because it was great - more because it was a bit weird, & I think there's loads of stuff in it that I don't properly understand at the moment...So, I'd need to watch it again to pick up on stuff I missed 1st time round.

Tomorrow, I have one lecture, & CathSoc...I love CathSoc....It'll be great. Still haven't phoned Honiton though...At the moment, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by everything I need to do...But I'm sure I'll get there at some point...Just not today, please not today!!!

Well, my phone has STILL not been activated...I'm not hugely amused at that...

I am SOOOOOOOO looking forward to the singlyish, girlyish (not all singles, & not all girls...hence the ish!) night we're having...It should be great!!

Have spent LOTS of money today, but never mind...Went to the Real McCoy, & bought a funky 60s dress...bought my little sister's birthday present - a Disney Princess book....some food for the party this evening...& also went to Lush & bought a face mask & a massage bar (it's v funky, it works a bit like Deep Heat, but it's nicer...it helps my knees & back quite a lot, so don't mind paying for it!)

Didn't get out of bed til 2 this afternoon...Have been physically exhausted recently, though mentally I'm not really that tired...Bit worried about that, but it should all be fine, I'm sure!

Still no real success in finding a blog template - I found 1 & downloaded it, then I realised that it wasn't in HTML form...not impressed at that!!! So, all is still boring til I find one in HTML...oh dear!

I did like James' Valentine's thing!!! It made me giggle - v impressed at all of the thought that must have gone into creating such a lovely image for the love of his life!!!

Hehehe...

I have two things to celebrate today...It's 8 months today since I was at my lowest (may seem weird to celebrate my lowest ebb, but it means that since that day, I've been getting better...so, it might be more logical to celebrate tomorrow - 8 months of getting better)...& also, today it's also definitely 6 months or more since I indulged in activities damaging to myself...So, celebrations all round!!!

Well, I still haven't found a blog template that I like...so, all is still boring, but hey! Never mind. It means u all have to concentrate on my words, cos there's nothing else to distract u!

Today, I got up at 9:45, even though my lecture isn't until 12!!! I was on campus by 10:45, since I had to see the disability person in Classics, to tell her that if she wants to know anything, she needs to contact the DRC, as they have all of the pieces of paper she could ever want about my eyes.

So, now I have 45 minutes until my lecture....I guess that when I'm finished with this, I may go & write a letter to my little brother...He doesn't do enough writing at school, so my mum is making him write a letter to me every week, which is very sweet! This week, he wrote (In pink pen, because apparently, it's my favourite):

To my lovely sister please ring us - Tonight please Lovely i miss you. Sister if you miss your train ill go mad like a demon I read Lord of the rings iv go richard coming. i dont want him to come. i can't wait to see you.

Love from Ben.

XXX

(This is complete with all things like spelling mistakes...Ben is only 7 - bless him...I am a little confused as to why I'm called "sister" throughout the entire letter - I don't think he's forgotten my name?! And no, he's probably not lying or exaggerating when he says he read Lord of the Rings...It's the sort of thing he'd do!)

Any way....I now have a phone!!!! Yay! I can also now use it - even better! I also have a door key, so I don't have to keep climbing in & out of windows! AND, I have a bank card, and therefore money!!! AND, a large print Bible - big enough for me to read easily and everything!!!!

Well, I now only have 40 minutes til my lecture, so I'm off!!!

Have emailed Karen, & sorted all things there, which I'm v glad about. I was pretty upset bout it all, but is all sorted! so smiles!!!

Also noticed Zosh has 2 blog entries for today!

Sorry Zosh

WE WON! WE WON! WE WON!!!!

CathSoc beat the Catenians!!!! 45 to CathSoc 29 to the Catenians! I'm SOOO proud! CathSoc were brilliant!!! I tried so hard to be impartial...for about the 1st 10 questions, & then gave up on that idea, & started showing my absolute support for CathSoc; cheering when they got answers right, & um, well, um, nodding if they mouthed a suggestion of an answer to me before officially saying it...Yeah, I was, um, biased!!!

Very upset though, Zosh said that she would put some of my quotes on her blog too...But she didn't, so I'm gonna put one of them here...I had told the Catenians there wouldn't be questions on Pop music...I then asked one about Travis/Oasis - they protested that it was Pop music, but I amused even myself by quickly retorting with "It's not Pop - it's mainstream Alternative!" I was very proud!!

In the bar afterwards, it was good, but we did keep Karen awake until the early hours of the morning, so I'm feeling really guilty. :-(

Poor Karen...

Today has been OK. Apparently, the Squash was pointless. Nevermind. At least ppl made an effort to go & man the stall...ah well...

Glad I wasn't there!!!

Cried in counselling AGAIN today...but may be that's good...

Um, yesterday, Karen sent me out of the seminar group; it was very upsetting. I wanted to stay with the cuddly leopard, but NO!!! I had to go out. I'm sure the spotty leopard bit was far more exciting!!!! Well, at least I won't get sent out again!!!

Looking forward to the weekend - spending Valentine's day with Zosh & Tessa...Could be cool!!!

Tony is going away for the weekend...He's going home, so my daily msn chats'll be off for a few days...He's very sweet, though I haven't seen him for a while.

Still haven't got a door key, so am both leaving & entering the building via a window at the moment, since they still won't lend me a key!!!!GRRR!!!!!

Got lectures tomorrow. Yay.

Quiz against Catenians tomorrow night. I am the "Quiz Mistress" it should be fun. I have sent personal emails to all of CathSoc inviting them, and have had a few responses. I'm hoping people will turn up!!!

SORRY...IGNORE THE LAST BLOG ENTRY. IT'S JUST ONE BIG RANT.

Really, today has been fine...& all is smiley & happy.

today has not been too bad. it is however BLOODY FRUSTRATING having to stay in if all of my housemates are out. i cannot lock or unlock the door. I hate it. They're also being BLOODY STUPID about lending me their keys, so I can get a new one cut...They change their bloody minds about whether they're going out or not in like two minutes because i ask to borrow their keys for an hour. IS THAT REALLY TOO MUCH?!!!!! It is just so annoying. I'm getting really annoyed at myself over it, & know that I shouldn't be. WHAT IS THE PROBLEM WITH LENDING ME THEIR KEYS FOR AN HOUR?!!!!IS THAT REALLY TOO MUCH OF AN INCONVENIENCE. I FEEL SO USELESS, COS I CAN'T DO ANYTHING AT THE MOMENT.
It would make everyone's lives a lot easier...For a start, I'd be able to get in & out without asking someone to let me out/whether they're going to be in when I get back. I would also feel happier about things in general, and therefore be a lot nicer to live with. IS THIS NOT LOGICAL?!! I think it's logical. Give me a key: you will not be bothered by me wanting to get in or out of the house, & I will not be so stressed about not having a key, & will therefore be nicer to live with.
I'm also very upset by the fact that other than James, none of the CathSoc committee (Zosh - I'm afraid I'm not counting u in this!) have volunteered to man the squash stall for a total of 4 hours tomorrow. I AM NOT DOING IT. However much I really should do it, & however much CathSoc may need someone to do it, I am not going to do it. I have a lecture and a counselling session tomorrow. That's quite enough for one day.
I am so tired at the moment, and I'm not sure I see the point in carrying on trying to do all of this stuff...But I guess right now, I should probably be in bed...It'll all be fine in the morning!!!

Today's been a bit better. Been very frustrated about not having my keys!!!

Mass was good. Don't know what made it any better than usual today, but I wasn't feeling too great this morning, & told Paul off cos he was on the way to making me cry even before Mass started - sorry Paul - but after Mass I felt much better.

Came home & then went to play football in Belmont park with my housemates. That was cool, but I'm sooo unfit!!!

Quiz with the Catenians on Wednesday - actually really looking forward to it!! I AM the quiz master!!!hehehe

Well, today, it's all bad. Nothing good at all. Last night, went out with my housemates...Forgot about my bag for TWO MINUTES, maybe even less...& then it was gone. There was only one person who could have taken it, & I know vaguely what she looks like, but really wouldn't be able to pick her out in a crowd, I don't think.
In my bag was: my wallet, with £21 (but I really don't care about that), my bank cards (which I'm going to cancel), & my university cards (which I'm rather more upset about); my keys - yes ALL of them...I have LOADS of keys, & keep them all together - oh dear; my phone - which I'm VERY upset about...I don't have another copy of most of the numbers, & it's also a contract phone, so off to O2 I go. SO, not much good going on for me today. I guess though, that I've worked out that my mascara is VERY waterproof - it got through about 2 hours of me crying last night, & then I couldn't be bothered to take it off before bed, where I cried myself to sleep, & then I woke up & started crying AGAIN when I realised that I hadn't just dreamt it, & my mascara was STILL THERE!!! I had to take it off when I finally got out of bed!!! That's SOME waterproofing!!!
Also, just to add insult to injury, I've spent the last two days with a very painful stomach. Yay. I feel blessed.

Today was pretty good...have been working really hard on agape stuff today, but only need TWO more campsites!!!! That's SUCH a relief!!! I am now officially the walk manager!!!Hehehe - I have power!!

I've just realised that I haven't actually explained what agape is, even though I've been talking about it quite a lot...Agape is a charity - it helps a South African orphanage - it needs repairs, and has also recently added an abandoned baby unit to the orphanage; it's really great. The walk I keep talking about is from Exeter to York, & 23 March to 17th April...I still need to find A LOT of walkers though; if anyone fancies walking a bit of it...or even all of it(!!!) just let me know! We want to raise LOTS of money for the kids!!!

Debating on whether to go out tonight - could go to Timepiece, but I don't know!!!! I haven't been there before, but don't know whether I should go for the experience, or avoid ever having the experience....ah well...

Um....now I'm quite lost for words....

today has been ok. no lectures!!!woohoo!other than that, i have been working on agape stuff all day. have sort of planned a route, but now have to confirm campsites - which is harder than it sounds! i also might b going to south africa for 2&1/2 weeks in the summer - how exciting?!

Well, today, I am very tired. Have been working very hard. I went food shopping and book shopping. Books r so expensive - they're all books for my course that I've been told to buy. Already I'm at well over £100, & I spent about £200 last semester!!! Just think of all the alcohol I could have bought with that!!!
I'm getting a large print Bible!!!! Yay!!! OK, that might not sound all that exciting to you, but it's exciting to me...It means that it's not going to take me 15 minutes to read passages of about 10 verses, like it did in my exam!!! SPCK had to order it specially for me, cos I want an NRSV version, not some silly American thing that claims to be English. I was a bit suspicious of this thing that claimed to be a New English Version of the Bible in the shop, so decided to check it out...Like the cunning person I am, I turned to Matthew 6:29, which talks about Solomon in his robes...& right there, in the middle of the verse, there it was!!! They put 'splendor'!!!!! ARGH!!! That's NOT ENGLISH - English is 'splendour'...I think that I should do them under the Trade Descriptions Act. It should be called the New American English Bible. They're just jealous, cos they didn't invent the language! So, I ordered a nice Oxford University Press NRSV version instead. It is going to cost me £40 though!!! That's a lot for a Bible, but never mind. At least it'll be bigger than everyone else's!!!LOL

Also, got my Greek Religion essay back today. I thought I had probably done OK. I asked my lecturer a while ago if it was good enough to pass; he said yes, but he couldn't remember what I got, so I assumed that I'd just done OK...But I got 76%!!!!!!! Now, that's good in any circumstances, but Classics NEVER give more than 80%!!! I am sooo proud of myself. I did work hard, but it really did pay off on that one!

Ah well, I'm going to go & put on my stunning EMERALD (not green!) CathSoc t-shirt, & then toddle off to the chaplaincy.

I'm singing the Psalm tonight! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK...today...had 1st lecture of this semester - it was pretty good actually - not the sort of lecturer who sends u to sleep....then had counselling - as usual, it was pretty tough - made me cry!

Then, tried to find campsites for ppl to stay at when walking from Exeter to York!!! Took me 2 hrs to do just 5 days of it...So, have to do the rest tomorrow.

I am singing the Psalm in Mass tomorrow...So the only tears that'll appear there are tears of laughter - I REALLY cannot sing...

Forgot to mention, at Mass on Sunday, we used a different creed. One by Ambrose, I think...It's v old - even from before all of the Chalcedonic reforms...James wouldn't have liked it though!!!LOL

well, haven't blogged for yesterday, & don't have much to say for today.

have done a risk assessment for Agape's 23 day long walk...& spent most of my day phoning campsites. it was good fun, & is better than spending my day doing nothing. at least i know that mayb i am doing something to help someone.

saw the drc ppl today. they were helpful, & have told me to apply for a disabled students allowance, cos apparently, i should be entitled to one. also saw the dr. he said that they'll monitor my weight, and make sure i don't lose too much, but it's all ok. he's also going to write a letter to my lea, so that they'll give me money!!yay!!

nothing else to say really - apart from i think you're great zosh! c u soon...xx